The one major source of trepidation I'd been feeling lately regarding dating had to do with how Tyler and Sydney would take it. I'd been searching for a way to talk to them about it for a few weeks now, when an opportunity presented itself just the other night. We were driving home from karate and Tyler started asking me all kinds of questions about past boyfriends I've had. So I slipped the question in as casually as I could: "Hey girls, how would you feel about me going out on dates?" and held my breath. Because in spite of my desire to meet someone new, I'd already decided that if my doing so would cause either one of them pain, I would hold off. To my surprise (and great relief) they were all for it. Tyler even said, "I think it's a great idea!"
So now I find myself back out there, filled with all the same questions and concerns as lots of other single women my age: Where do I meet a quality man? Is it acceptable for a woman to make the first move if she meets a man she's attracted to? Why do there seem to be tons of great single women at my church, but barely enough single men to fill a Toyota Prius? Does this mean I have to start wearing makeup to the grocery store again? Is it really true that all the good men are already taken? (I have to believe the answer to that last question is no; otherwise I might as well bang my head repeatedly against the nearest brick wall.)
While it would be nice to meet someone face-to-face, in the real world, I'm giving the internet a try as well. Because I'm not naive enough to think that dating in the real world works out like it does in the movies, where a girl "just happens" to meet a fantastic guy through no effort on her part and the two of them fall madly in love, move to a rent-controlled loft in Soho and buy a puppy. And internet dating has exploded so much in recent years that I have to believe there's at least one guy online at any given time who isn't a total loser, just like I'm not a total loser. (I do have my brick wall handy, though.)
I'm so glad I don't feel that silent, creeping sense of desperation I did in my early twenties - that I had to have a man in order to feel complete. God has filled that hole in my life quite nicely. So this time around I feel much more relaxed about the whole thing. I'm not in any hurry to get married again, though I would love to if the Lord chooses to bless me in that way. For right now, I'm content with meeting new people, getting to know them, and really taking the time to decide whether someone is Mr. Right, or merely Mr. Right Now.
All I can think of right now is the movie Sleepless in Seattle...
ReplyDeleteBut, oh man. This is hard. I often think of what I would do if I were in your situation. I don't get very far though because the prospect of having to date again makes me have a panic attack.
We can rest, however, in knowing that your story is God's story, and He's not done writing... It is exciting to see how your life will unfold from here.
Hmmmm...keep us posted!