Diary of a Crappy Mom

So we were driving home from church today (church, mind you, where I just spent an hour and a half singing praises to God and listening to His word) and Sydney all of a sudden just started crying in the backseat. I braced myself - or thought I did, anyway - because I knew what was coming.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

What followed was a tearful litany of how some boy in her Sunday school class pushed her, and a girl cut in line in front of her, and Tyler pushed her out of the way at the water fountain when she was thirsty and on and on and on and on. An updated version of her "everybody be's mean to me" speech.

So what did I, the understanding and ever-patient mother do? Did I offer words of comfort and understanding, pull the car over and give her a big "mommy-loves-you" hug? No.

I lost it. Totally.

This will probably sound like an excuse, but I need to give some background here. This kind of reaction is not a result of what happened to her father. She's been doing things like this ever since she could talk. I don't know why, but Sydney has always misinterpreted things that other kids do and say. She assumes every accident is a personal attack. She assumes that everyone hates her. She takes the slightest little incident and blows it up into monumental proportions - I've personally witnessed at least a dozen of these little "situations". This frustrates me to no end, because when EVERYTHING is horrible, and EVERYBODY is mean, it's hard to sort out the real bullies from the kids who are just standing there scratching their heads wondering, "What did I do?"

When I've asked her in the past what kids did to her that was so mean, all I usually get is, "I don't remember." That, and a daughter with major attitude for a good three hours. I've found it impossible to get to the bottom of what's really going on, or why she feels like everyone is ganging up on her.

Fast forward to today...when I heard her start to complain about "everyone be's mean to me" yet again, something snapped inside of me. We're driving down Powers and I proceed to lecture her (yell at her?) - a SIX-YEAR-OLD, mind you - with helpful little gems like this:

"You've got to stop assuming that the entire world is out to get you, because it just isn't true!"

"Do you want to have friends? Because if you do, you've got to stop treating other kids like they're always mean to you."

"What about your friends Liza and Mia? Are they 'mean to you'? No..."

And my personal favorite: "So what if that boy knocked into you on purpose? Maybe it's his problem - maybe he's just a jerk. Why can't you just get over it?"

Of course, when we got home I took her aside and apologized to her, but that still doesn't make my behavior okay. Last time I looked in the mirror, I was the one with the gray hairs, not Sydney. That would make me the adult. Chronologically speaking, anyway.

Some days I feel stretched so thin that I can barely keep my head together enough to get them ready for school and their lunches made. So when along comes crap like this, I just don't know where to put it. Or what to do. Nothing I've ever said to her changes her mind. No encouragement, no pep talk, nothing. It feels like she is bound and determined to believe that everyone on the planet hates her guts, and I am at a complete and total loss. Do I wait until she "grows out of it" as it's been suggested to me that she will? I don't know if my sanity will hold out that long.

I wish I knew the source of her behavior, but she's been like this since forever. Please God don't tell me that this is an inborn trait, a part of her personality that will never grow or change. She's a sweet girl at heart, very generous and empathetic (more so even than Tyler, I think) and I want to see her grow up to have lots of good friends and happy experiences. I hate to see her lock herself away in a cage like this.

Ugh...hopefully there will be no "Diary of a Crappy Mom, Volume II"...