Disclaimer (a.k.a. "I'm afraid people will stop talking to me if I say what I really think so here's an explanation that will hopefully mollify everyone"): I totally get that there are situations where the side hug is probably the best way to go. Issues with past sexual/physical abuse being the biggest one. Maybe you struggle with lust issues. Maybe your spouse struggles with trust issues. Whatever. I don't want to pass a law making side hugs illegal - side hug away if that's your thing. But I'm speaking generally here, intentionally painting everyone with a broad brush, because otherwise we'd be here all day (and no one wants that, trust me!).
For all my non-Christian friends, let's begin at the beginning. What exactly is a side hug? Instead of standing face-to-face with someone you wish to hug, the two of you stand side-by-side, much like you would if someone were taking your picture. You put your arms around each other's shoulders/waist so that no part of the front of your bodies are touching and hug that way. (Incidentally, there is also what I believe to be a close cousin of the side hug - the "A-frame" or "bottom-out" hug which starts out deceptively similar to a front hug, but where the huggers' pelvises are tilted outwards so nothing touches below the collarbones.)
I know the church didn't invent the side hug, but let's face it, we've elevated it to almost an art form. We say we want to respect the other person's boundaries, avoid any appearance of impropriety, "leave room for the Holy Spirit", etc. All of those are fine motivations in and of themselves. (Except maybe for the "leave room for the Holy Spirit" part - I'm not exactly sure why anyone would think that God needs us to make room for Him. After all, the last time I checked, He still is omnipotent and omnipresent.) However, I have issues with the side hug, and the A-frame hug as well. And since I love making lists...
- As someone commented on this subject in a blog I read...I doubt very seriously that Jesus "side-hugged" anyone during His time here on earth. He embraced them. As in, wrapped His arms around them and gave them a real HUG. And the Bible doesn't tell believers to "greet one another with a holy side hug". It says, "greet one another with a holy kiss". (I'll pause here for the collective gasp of horror and embarrassment.) Everyone back? Okay then. I press on...
- God created us with physical bodies that have real, temporal needs. I'm not talking about sexual needs here, people. I'm talking about affection, comfort, and reassurance. We've all heard about the studies of those baby monkeys who were taken away from their mothers and the only things offered to them for comfort were a wire "mother" or a "mother" covered in soft fuzzy cloth. Guess which one the baby monkeys picked each and every time? People need physical contact with other people. If we don't get it, a part of our spirit shrivels up and dies. I know that sometimes all it's taken to lift me out of a funk is for a friend to give me a genuine embrace.
- Even though I know the other person probably means well, and this might be more a reflection of my own insecurity, there's a part of me that still can't help but feel hurt when someone gives me a side hug. Especially someone I've known for a while. I wonder, "Do I have bad breath? Should I have showered longer? Do they think I have something catching? Am I really that disgusting?" In fact, the A-frame hug messes with my head in this way even worse than the side hug, because at least with a side hug your hips are touching.
- If you love your spouse and everyone knows it, and if you respect the spouse of the person you are hugging and they know it, then what on earth is wrong with a front hug? If you get twisted up into knots over an innocent hug between friends, then I think you need to spend some serious time examining the state of your own heart (or maybe your marriage).
- Christians like to think we're not affected by the way the culture around us sexualizes literally EVERYTHING. But I think the side hug proves that self-righteous confidence dead wrong. We've swung the pendulum so far back the other way that something which for centuries has meant a gesture of simple affection between friends is twisted into a kind of "gateway grope" leading straight down into the pit of hell itself.
- Where do we draw the line? Should smiling at people be banned next? After all, today it's just a smile, but tomorrow it could be tackling someone in the pew and sticking your tongue down their throat while the rest of us try to avert our eyes and not lose our place during "Rock of Ages".
- What about the issue of self-control and personal responsibility? Just because a bowl of m&ms is set before you, does that mean you have no choice but to pour the whole thing into your gaping mouth, dump-truck style? If you give someone a front hug, are your hips automatically rubbed against theirs by some invisible tractor-beam? As a dear male friend of mine pointed out after watching the link I posted, he and I have hugged many times, and never once do either of us recall any grinding going on.
Whew...I feel better now. In closing, I'd like to offer one last word of warning to all my friends, Christian and non-Christian alike: when you see me coming at you, be prepared for a front hug! :-)
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