I debated for a while whether I would post this, mainly because I didn't want people gagging whenever they came within 50 feet of me or dropping off my facebook friend list like flies. But then I decided, what the heck, what's a little more TMI?
The issue of whether to get a tattoo in the first place is an extremely personal one, and an issue on which I won't take sides. It would be hypocritical of me to tell people not to get a tattoo since I myself have two others on my back that I have no plans to get rid of. I know people who have several tattoos (heck, Craig had lots of them) and people who have none. I know people who are deeply against tattoos, and I understand their feelings and have the utmost respect for their convictions. I also have a friend from high school who is a tattoo artist and whose artwork blows me away it's so beautiful.
The whole "to tattoo or not to tattoo" issue is irrelevant to this discussion. What I want to emphasize here is to THINK before you ever get a tattoo in the first place. So let's get down to the nitty-gritty.
The pictures in this post are the results of my 4th tattoo removal session on Monday, January 11th. They were taken on January 12th. Yes, they are completely revolting. And yes, that great big puffy thing you see on my ankle is indeed a blister. Most of my ankle is covered in blisters, though that is the largest one. And notice how my ankle is so swollen that you can't even see the bone...sexy, huh?
For those of you who know nothing about the tattoo removal process, this is the lowdown: a laser is used on the tattoo to break up the ink particles, which your body's immune system then absorbs. The laser coming in contact with the ink is what causes the pain - if the laser touches skin without a tattoo, it doesn't hurt at all. Weird, huh? And let me tell, you, it is EXCRUCIATINGLY painful. No joke. The only other thing I've experienced that was more painful was childbirth. Even with the so-called anesthetic cream, it was horrible.
Then there is the healing process. I've decided to go against the advice of the dermatologist's assistant, which was to prick the blisters and drain them. I did that the other three appointments and healing was EXTREMELY slow and painful. After the blisters heal, the area scabs over and starts itching like crazy. Again, very sexy...
It's a long, slow process, as well. My dermatologist estimated this tattoo would take between six and eight treatments to remove, but I'm leaning towards more than eight. And you have to wait at least five to six weeks in between each treatment for the site to heal. But here's the real kicker: each appointment costs between $250 and $300. Yep, you read that right. I get to pay through the nose for the privilege of enduring agonizing pain every six weeks. Oh, and did I mention insurance doesn't cover tattoo removal? I toyed with the idea of trying to convince the doctor it was a gang tattoo so maybe he'd reduce or eliminate the fee (just kidding!).
You may be asking yourself at this point, if the tattoo removal process is so awful, then why am I doing it? And that brings me to the crux of this post: I WAS STUPID. I repeat: I WAS STUPID. I didn't give nearly enough thought to this tattoo. And every time I've looked down at it for the past 16 years that I've had it, it makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed. It's not who I am anymore, if it ever really was. I want it gone so badly that I'm willing to endure the pain and the expense.
So I want to urge everyone reading this post who either wants a tattoo themselves or knows someone who does: THINK BEFORE YOU INK!!! My personal recommendation is to think about any prospective tattoo for at least six months: what it is, how big, where you want it, etc. And when you're absolutely sure you've got the details right, wait another six months -minimum - before you go under the gun. You might find you change your mind. And viola! you've just saved yourself tons of money, embarrassment, and pain.
Take a good, long look at these pictures, because this is what you'll have to go through if you wake up one day and realize your tattoo wasn't such a good idea after all. Is it really worth it?
Okay, time to wax sanctimonious...here are some personal recommendations/opinions if you've thought long and hard about it and you're absolutely sure you want a tattoo and nobody's going to talk you out of it:
- Check out the tattoo artist thoroughly beforehand. But don't just ask to see a photo album of previous work - how do you know the person you're considering actually did those tattoos? People do lie sometimes (gasp!). So hang out at the tattoo shop. Ask if it's okay for you to watch them give a tattoo to somebody else - as long as you stay out of the way, a reputable tattoo artist should have no problem with letting you observe, or at least with checking out people's brand-new tattoos as they're leaving the shop.
- Make sure they use sterilized equipment EACH AND EVERY time they tattoo. Laser removal bites the big one, but so do hepatitis and HIV.
- I believe in true love and that marriage is a covenant made before God and is meant to last forever and all, but still...don't get your spouse's or boyfriend/girlfriend's name tattooed ANYWHERE on yourself. Bad idea. Just don't.
- Ladies, please...no more tramp stamps. 'Nough said.
- Be very careful about getting a portrait tattoo - they're extremely hard to pull off, and when done wrong, they just look ghastly.
Have I irritated you yet? Maybe. Grossed you out? Probably. But just remember, the next time you see me and feel the bile rise in the back of your throat as you look down at my ankle...I did it out of love.
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