Huh? you might be saying to yourself at this point. Because (sadly enough) most people in today's culture just assume that if two people have been dating for any length of time, they're also having sex. For those of you who don't know, the Jonas Brothers publicly wear purity rings and have stated that they all plan to wait until marriage to have sex.
This post isn't meant to be a treatise on Kevin Jonas's romantic life, which frankly is nobody's business but his and his wife's. But it never fails to gall me that an individual's decision to wait until marriage is treated with such disbelief - and in many cases outright contempt - in America today. You're either considered a brainless goody-two-shoes or a frigid prude if you don't "put out".
I'm not going to waste my time and give myself carpal tunnel trying to convince those of you who disagree with me that abstinence is the way to go. Neither is it my intention to make anyone feel like a worthless slut. What follows are my personal reasons for and feelings about abstinence and its value.
First and foremost, I believe waiting until marriage is the way to go because the Bible says it is. Call me a hokey fundamentalist, say I've checked my brain at the door - I don't care. I have been bought with a price by Jesus, and therefore cannot disregard what His Word says about the matter (no matter how much my hormones may want me to). I didn't always believe in the Bible - indeed, thought it was utter junk for most of my life - and so I haven't always come down on this side of the issue. Nor have I lived it out in my life up until now.
I plan on waiting until I get married again to have sex. "What's the point?" you may ask. "You've already been married. It's not like you'll be 'pure' for your future husband. So why bother?" Well, for the reason outlined above, mainly. But it's not just about obedience to a "moral code" for me. It's an issue of trust. Do I trust God enough to wait for Him to bring exactly the right person into my life? Do I trust Him enough to not gratify my momentary desires and hold out for something better? Something more? It's also about honoring my future spouse. Waiting shows him that I value him above all other men, that he is so special to me that I wasn't willing to cheapen our relationship by turning sex into something akin to merely scratching an itch.
"Well, that's all fine and good, Miss Prudy-Pants," you say. "But what if you never get married again?" The answer to that is simple: then I will never be with anyone else again. On the surface, even to me, that sounds abysmally depressing. We are physical creatures, made for physical intimacy with each other. It's a natural longing. But again, for me, this is where trust in God comes in: do I trust Him enough that I still believe He has what's best for me in mind, even when He might not grant me what I so desperately wish for? Do I believe that He is good, and sovereign, or don't I?
Beyond the obvious points that waiting until marriage drastically reduces your risk of STDs and 100% eliminates your risk of an unwed pregnancy, there are other, unseen dangers it protects you from. Like the danger of sex losing its meaning as the most intimate, God-ordained and therefore holy means of a husband and wife expressing their love for each other. When you are not made to wait for something, when you can have it every day whenever you want, it ceases to be special. It's just another something you do. You are in danger of seeing it not as a way to give yourself completely to your spouse, but as a way to "get your rocks off".
Closely related to that, having sex too early (whether in life or in a relationship) can destroy your self-respect and cause you to get involved in relationships and situations that further erode your sense of value and worth as a person. If you don't see yourself as worth waiting for, you will attract people to you who feel the same way. I speak from bitter experience here. For far too long I didn't see myself as someone who deserved respect from other people. I wasn't promiscuous like, say, Carrie from "Sex and the City", but I made my share of mistakes. I gave myself to men (boys?) who were only using me, and I convinced myself that they cared about me on a deeper level. On a level that, I now understand, can only be reached by requiring something more of the other person AND yourself. How I wish I could take those days back and start over!!
So abstaining is (for me, anyway) in part a selfish act, I guess. I need to protect myself. I need to weed out men who only want something superficial and physical, so that when I do give myself to someone I can know for certain that he'll take the gift I give him and treasure it. I deserve that.
And so do you.
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