I'm feeling a tad philosophical (translation: whiny) tonight, and lucky you - you get to read all about it!
Seriously, though, after taking a most relaxing and refreshing break from even thinking about dating, the same tired old questions are back...
Why does the trend among singles in church appear to be that NO ONE is asking anyone out?
Where are the Christian single men at my church? They can't ALL have suddenly gone on a mission trip to a hut in Africa somewhere.
And my favorite...What's wrong with me?
That last one is the easiest for me to answer (isn't it always, ladies?). Sometimes I worry that a single Christian guy looks at me and sees someone who is "tainted" or "untouchable" in certain ways. I've been married before, so a guy who's holding out hope for a girl "pure as the driven snow" won't find it with me. I already have children and I'm approaching my late thirties, so most guys probably assume (and QUITE RIGHTLY, may I add!) that I'm not too jazzed about the idea of starting from scratch and having another baby with them. I didn't become a Christian until I was in my mid-twenties, so - GASP! - I have a past. Not a particularly horrific, sordid one, but a past nonetheless. I have tattoos - three, to be exact. Soon to be two if the laser treatments do their job they way I'm hoping. All in all, I don't fit the June Cleaver mold that the majority of single Christian guys seem to want (or were taught they should want).
As far as the other questions go, the answers don't come as readily. I could blame the fact that no one seems to be dating on Joshua Harris and/or Elisabeth Elliot. But while I do lay a good chunk of the blame at the feet of the "courting-good, dating-BAD" philosophy, that's just too simplistic. I think a lot of it boils down to fear - fear of rejection, fear of gossip, fear of "pooping where you eat" for lack of a better phrase...basically the same fears everyone - Christian or not - faces. I also think there's a certain amount of laziness cloaked in spiritual-sounding gobbledegook, and it goes something like this: "I'm just trusting God to bring someone into my life, someone perfect for me and who meets every single one of the requirements in the twenty-page checklist I keep in my bedside drawer. After all, He only wants THE BEST for me. So I'm just going to sit here trusting and waiting for him/her to fall from the sky straight into my lap." Kinda nice how that way of thinking abdicates someone from any and all responsibilities to get out there and meet new people, take a chance, and maybe be (just a little!) proactive, huh? "Well, I never got married or had any meaningful relationships with anyone of the opposite sex because God chose to never smack me upside the head with him/her while I was home watching 'Shark Week' on Discovery..."
And I don't know if the situation is any different at other churches, but the species "single Christian male" seems to have been hunted to the point of extinction at mine. And boy, I'll bet they FEEL hunted, too! One of the main reasons I haven't considered attending a singles community at my church (other than the fact that I love the friends I've made in my current community) is the desire to avoid the "meat market" mentality so prevalent in many church singles groups. And let's be honest, single ladies, it's no wonder guys run for cover when we act like a cup of coffee or a movie equates to a committed relationship!
Basically, all this rambling is to say I just don't get it...and I doubt the Relationship Fairy will leave all the answers underneath my pillow tonight. So it truly is a wonderful thing that I (and all my fellow Christian singles out there) have a God who really does know and sympathize with the deepest yearnings of our hearts, and who loves us more perfectly than any husband or wife ever could.
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